The Wanting Game
by LoverGurrl411
Summary: "Such unforgiving love…such a doomed fate…" It's the night before Bella's wedding and Jacob returns home and pays a visit...but nothing is ever easy, is it? OneShot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my fruitful imagination.

A.N. – Sooooo, I was feeling conflicted about someone a while ago, and decided that I had to get these emotions out in the form of Jacob and Bella. I always felt like I was cheated with Jacob showing up _after_ the wedding—talk about Stephanie Meyers taking the easy way out—so here's my take on what might have happened if he'd shown up the night before. Hope everyone enjoys!

The Wanting Game

By LoverGurrl411

/What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.

What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you/

-Wicked Game, Phillip Phillips

Jacob looked at the window…could he do it? Could he climb up there, the night before her wedding and tell her that his soul…his heart...his very hands shook uncontrollably for her?

He could see her silhouette, reshaping the way he saw her body. He could hear—practically feel her heart beating from where he stood, so far, and yet watching her the way he was…it was as though there wasn't so many feet separating them. He felt like he could touch her, if only.

"Jacob?" Bella whispered out into the night, uncertain.

Silence. Should he respond? Should he climb up and convince her to love him back? Could he?

Bella went to close the window, convinced that the feeling of being watched was all in her head.

"Bells," Jacob whispered. She paused. The silence was pregnant with so many words, but Bella couldn't bring herself to apologize or badger him with questions of his health and where he had gone. Jacob, on the other hand, couldn't bear the thought of climbing through her window, only to be rejected once again. So they stood, still, breathing, forever in love and hating their love for being so damn _hard_.

"I'm marrying Edward tomorrow" Bella stated, but what she wanted to know was if he was going to show up.

"Why?" Jacob finally asked. _Finally_. All this time, fighting epic battles for her, attempting to win her favor over Edward, and Jacob had never bothered to ask her why she wanted the _thing_ at all. He had never asked, until tonight. He had never felt all hope lost until the moment he realized that he couldn't steady his hands.

"I love him, Jacob" Bella tried to placate, but they were just words. Sure, she meant them, but they weren't the reason she was marrying him. If it was up to her, she wouldn't be marrying him or anyone at such a young age.

"That's not an answer" Jacob saw through her platitudes. He saw through everything because he _knew_ her, the way he knew the contours of Leah's body.

Leah. He'd fallen into her the night he had left, and he had wrapped his love in a box and handed it to Leah on a platter…but she saw through him the way he saw through Bella. Leah knew that he wouldn't love her the way she deserved, or the way he was truly capable of. Instead, she offered him reprieve from the self-loathing and worldly hate that had started to creep into him. She offered him touch, and smell, and _everything_ a woman could offer a man that could save his soul…and he took it. He took it with purpose, and feeling, and an all consuming passion that had left them both breathless.

Jacob loved Leah for hours before he left La Push. He loved her with the only thing that Bella hadn't shattered: his body. Jacob had loved Leah until Leah had looked up at the stars, sweat glistening off her shoulders, neck, and brow, and whispered "If only Sam had loved me half as much as you love Bella, maybe he wouldn't have imprinted."

Jacob had smoothed her hair away from her face and responded, "He loved you, Lee Lee. He loved you too much. He just doesn't remember. The imprint won't _let _him remember. Don't stop fighting for him, Lee, you gotta fight. You gotta fight and fight until there's no more fight left."

"How long is that, Jacob? A year? Two? _Forever_? There's got to be a point where enough is enough. Sooner or later we all have to give up and move on." Leah had spoken so sadly. Jacob's heart had ached, but he knew she was right. She saw through him and the words, and knew he was so close to giving up on Bella too. His words had been more for himself than her.

Jacob had been so overcome with tsunami sized emotions of despair, like a child being told for the first time there was no such thing as Santa Claus, that he let his head fall and he kissed her desperately. He had wanted Leah to cure him of his love, but in the end, all it had proven was that his love for Bella could only be removed by Bella.

So, after weeks gone, Jacob had found himself in front of her window, wondering…talking…and now deciphering.

"Come up" Bella said hesitantly. She wanted him to come upstairs, but had just only noticed that he was completely naked. She still finished the sentence, and it spoke volumes.

Therefore, Jacob climbed the tree and launched himself, feet first, into her bedroom. After he righted himself, he and Bella stood close. So close he could touch her if he wanted, but what good could it do? Could touch be that effective as to win her back?

His hand reached out for her, but Bella only let his hand ghost over her cheek.

"Jacob…I…" she trailed off. Words, the root of every important moment in her relationship with Edward, failed her for once. Words just weren't enough, and it hurt her more than she thought something so simple could ever hurt her.

Jacob just shook his head. He knew words had failed them both so many times in the past. He knew that words meant nothing in the long run – just look at Leah and Sam; how many times had Sam whispered that he would always love her? How many times had Sam tenderly swore his unending fealty? How many times hadn't Sam passionately declared that he would only ever _see_ her? But with one look, all the words in the world could not have made Sam un-see Emily, and undo all the ruin that their forced love would bring about to the un-imprinted heart.

"_Why_ do you want to spend forever with a man that can never love you in the sunlight?" Jacob whispered. His voice was raw, and the heat from his hand and body, so close, was like the best of wines.

"Because he _will_ love me forever, Jacob. There's no…" She broke. Bella Swan, fighter till the end, finally broke. She didn't cry, however. Bella broke in the way only a _woman_ can: with despair filling her eyes and frustration marring her features. Bella broke, and Jacob felt like he had finally been let in…into her.

"Jacob, if I thought that your love was real, and true, and everything you claim it is, then maybe I wouldn't marry Edward tomorrow. Maybe, if you already had an imprint and were able to keep her at arm's length...if I thought that your love was as everlasting as Edward's then yea, maybe I wouldn't…but it's not, Jacob. You can't promise me that you'll never fall out of love with me."

She was right, he knew. She was _so_ right, that Jacob wanted to howl to the moon that he was burdened with love—he wanted to be unmanned, unbidden by her love, and unmoved by his own wants. Jacob felt so deeply for her that he was forced to see her side; the appeal that _thing_ had for her…it was valid, and he hated it. He wanted _him_ to burn in the sun. Jacob wanted to be burned on a stake of sorrow and anguish, and feel free of those feelings finally.

He knew she wanted him to deny the truth of her words, but she wouldn't make a liar out of him. _Not that_. Never. So Jacob took a deep breath and let hope and faith speak for him.

"One day I might fall out of love with you, Bells, but can't you see? Can't you feel how much greater our time would be compared to centuries with _him_? Our love might be short, or it could last till the day we died, Bells." He reached for her, and this time Bella stepped into his hand. "Why won't you fight for us, Bella? But, it's okay, because I'm fighting hard enough for the both of us. You can see it, I know you can. And I won't stop because whether or not our love lasts forever or a week, I _feel_ it like the gravity of the earth. I _feel_ our love like the petals on a fucking flower feels its mortality…"

She couldn't breathe properly. What was she supposed to say? How could she cling to him and marry Edward tomorrow? How could she love him and not marry Edward? The decisions were too hard, too soon, and too important.

"Damn it Bells, hate me! Damn you for making me love you, and damn you for loving me back and giving me so much hope" Jacob grabbed her and shook her. He shook her because he wasn't afraid to hurt her. _Let her hurt_, he thought to himself. If she had bruises on her arms he would be gratified that they matched the ones on his heart.

"Hate me, Jacob! Hate me!" Bella yelled right back. She was passionate in her anguish, and she looked radiant. She looked like the fierce warrior she should have become, but, in Edwards shadow and protection, never did. She looked worthy of being called the Alpha's mate, but she wasn't his.

"Why? For what, Bella?! So you can have a reason to marry _that_?" Jacob growled. His hands weren't letting loose, and she didn't want them to. She wasn't being treated like a doll, and she hadn't been treated so in such a long time…she hadn't known how much she had missed this feeling of being _so alive._

"No! _No!_ Hate me, Jacob, so I could feel validated in loving you" Bella clung to Jacob's bare shoulders. "I need a reason for loving you to be okay, Jake. Don't you get it, yet? It's not _right_ that I promised my whole heart to Edward, and then I give more than half of it to you!" She pushed him away, but then clung to him. She wanted him away from her so she could compose herself and think clearly. She wanted him close so she didn't have to think clearly ever again.

"Turn me into a poet, Bells," Jacob choked on her name. "Turn me so I could describe how _right_ you and I are."

"I don't have that kind of power" Bella settled down. She found her equilibrium somewhere in his powerful voice. She found herself steady on the beat of his heart that she could feel under her sweaty palm.

The quiet engulfed them in a sandstorm of heartbreak and hope. There was too much to say, and not enough words to say them. Jacob wanted…Bella wanted…They wanted…and yet they stood still, breathing, thinking, and saying nothing.

"I should go" Jacob whispered, the urge to kiss her was too strong. The wolf inside of him was too raw with need.

"Will you come tomorrow?" Bella asked. She knew it was selfish of her to ask. She knew it was ethically and morally wrong on so many levels, but she couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth. She couldn't stop the wants inside her belly to claim him permanently as a woman can: with her body.

"And humiliate myself? You would sacrifice what's left of my pride for _him_?" Jacob growled. He hated feeling like he was second best, and every time she put her selfish wants first, that's exactly what he felt.

"_No! _I would _never_ bring you to your knees, Jacob!" Bella dug her nails into him, her face aghast at the thought of seeing such a prideful man mortified. "I just…I need you in a way that's crippling, Jake. I—I can't imagine walking down the aisle without you there, is all." She shrugged, embarrassed for her feelings.

Jacob couldn't take it anymore. His chest was caving in on itself. His heart was fighting to stay alive. He grasped Bella's chin and tilted her head up, to look him square in the eyes.

"You can't imagine walking down the aisle without me there because deep down, so deep that you've built a wall of ice to forget it's there, deep deep down, Bells, you want me to be the one you're walking down that aisle to. You want me to be standing there in a tux, waiting to say my 'I do's'. "

Bella went to deny it, but Jacob shushed her with Truth. "Lie to me, lie to _him_, but don't lie to yourself."

And, just like that—because Jacob willed it, Bella couldn't lie to herself any longer. No, she didn't want to be married so young, but if she had to be, then she'd want to walk down the aisle to a man who made her feel secure in every way. If Bella had her way, she would walk dressed in a white dress littered with red roses on the bottom. There would be lace everywhere and on her head there would be a tiara made of rose petals. Her ring finger would have a simple wedding band of silver with the tiniest diamond anyone had ever seen, but she would have loved it anyway because it came from…Jacob.

"A person…without their word…they're nothing." Bella chose her words carefully. She could feel Jacob's hope die, and her own hope died with it.

Such unforgiving love…such a doomed fate…

"And a person without their heart? What are they?" Jacob asked, a hail Mary to bring her back to him.

"Dead," Bella whispered as she looked away. She couldn't face him. She couldn't face the reflection of herself in his eyes. She knew she was dying slowing from wanting him so much and never letting herself have even an inch of him.

Jacob wanted to stand there and ask her if "dead" was okay with her. But the words wouldn't leave his mouth. The sentiment, if "dead" was okay with her then they had nothing left to say, wouldn't reach his eyes and heart. He wanted to be held by her and reassured, but he might as well wait for angels to fill the sky.

She was leaving him, he knew. She was leaving him and he had no clue if she would ever be his…but he couldn't stop fighting for her, could he?

Bella knew that Jacob felt defeated. She knew that he was going to leave her, and she had no one to blame but herself...but she couldn't be like her mother. She prided herself on being the opposite of Renee: where Renee was flighty, Bella was responsible. Where Renee was tremendously outgoing, Bella was slightly shy. And most importantly, where Renee had broken her vows and all her promises to Charlie, Bella had never broken a single promise to Edward…or Jacob for that matter.

Bella couldn't be like Renee, when it counted most. She just couldn't. So she would betray her heart, to keep her honor; but oh, how much it hurt. '_God, let it hurt less_' Bella thought in her suffering, and in true fashion ignored Jacob's.

But how could she face his pain, when she knew his would be tenfold and she could barely handle her own.

"I know I'm asking a lot, but…can't we…can't I?" Bella trailed off. She wanted too much and did not have enough courage to ask.

"No" Jacob said with finality. He didn't know what she was asking but he knew the answer was no. He knew it because he had said yes to Bella too many times. He had said yes to Bella when he hadn't even known the question or plea…and all it did was bring him heartache and pain.

"But—" Bella tried to convince him—of what she wasn't even sure.

"No," Jacob repeated. He felt like smiling he was so free at that moment. He wanted to repeat "no" over and over again, and stomp his foot, and fly above the clouds yelling it. He wanted her to feel the "no" on her lips like he did, and so he kissed her swiftly.

There was no preamble to the kiss. No loaded moment of silence and lips grazing slightly over each other. His lips claimed her and unclaimed her in two second beats, that left Bella winded and wanting.

"But—" Bella whispered, and Jacob kissed her swiftly again.

"But—" Bella smiled slightly in that quirky way of hers, and Jacob laughed as he kissed her swiftly once more. His kisses purged her and freed him. They were his no's. Each kiss was a no to every question Bella had. No, he wouldn't go to her wedding. No, he wouldn't try to get along with _him_. No, he wouldn't give up his dignity for her. No, he wouldn't stop being her friend.

They were the no's that lifted a weight off both of their chests.

Jacob smiled as he stared at her for a moment. It was just one moment, he told himself, but he knew better. That moment, it would last forever because he knew what would happen after she married _him_ tomorrow. That moment would be what he would cling to in times to come…and the smile slid off his face like blood to the ground from a gaping wound.

"Bye Bells" Jacob said, and Bella had no more 'buts' left. She had no more pleas or excuses. Just the reality of life was left for her to deal with, and her hurt was plentiful and pure.

A diamond tear trailed down her cheek as the man she knew she could have _everything_ with escaped from her window.

_Come back_, she wanted to shout. _I take it back!_ _I take it back_!

But words weren't enough when he was gone. And she knew it was her fault. Words had failed her once again, but for a completely different reason: once something is said, it can't be unsaid. Once words leave the owner, they no longer belong to them. And words never spoken might as well not exist.

Bella learned the hard lesson that burned and scorched: she couldn't replace saying she loved Edward with "I love _you_" instead.

So she turned to her bed, brokenhearted and broken spirited, laid herself to rest for her big day, and dreamt about butterfly kisses. All the while, unbeknownst to her, Jacob was sitting against the trunk of the tree outside her window, one leg outstretched and the other bent, gazing up at the stars.

He looked towards the stars to try and find his destiny, and the stars showed him sparkles and galaxies and a greater destiny than he could have ever thought to ask for. He smiled enigmatically as he resigned himself to sit in the silence and endure the last night of Bella's humanity, living it for her while she slept the night away.

A.N. – So what did everyone think? Like it, hate it? Let me know and drop a review! :)


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